This masters dissertation is currently DOING MY HEAD IN.
So I felt a quick offload in my blog might help me refocus and get back into the zone with it.
I started this masters in Sexual Health back in Sept 2006. Yes SEVEN YEARS AGO. YES IT IS THE LONGEST MASTERS IN THE WORLD EVER.
At the time I was looking for a way to get a qualification in sexual health to further my planned career in Sexual Health (at the time I started my masters I was an NQT teaching half science and half PSHE & Citizenship). I got my PGDip in Sexual Health in 2009 (2/3rds of the masters whilst also working fulltime) I think, and then I had two maternity leaves and now finally embarking on the dissertation to finish the whole thing off and get my masters in sexual health.
Trouble is 7 years later I am exactly where I wanted to be careerwise- I have my dream job working freelance for some incredible organisations and I now I am at a point where I don’t feel I need the masters qualification to help my career as I no longer necessarily think it will. My motivation for completing the masters has shifted as a result. In 2012 my dad died when my littlest child was only a few weeks old. He was the one who was very keen on me doing a masters and encouraged me all the time to stick with it. The main reason I am is for his memory- finishing it would have made him so proud. Of course that means there are is all sorts of grief stuff tied up in completing this masters- but heck it gives me stuff to rant about in the reflective chapter.
Finally the most frustrating aspect of this process is I know I have no chance of doing very well in this masters. I currently hold ~75credits at distinction level and ~45credits at pass level. Which would be brilliant and might mean I was inline for at least a merit overall if it wasn’t for the fact I did 60 of my distinction level credits at a different university (my PSHE Certification plus professional practice module) and bought them onto this masters, therefore the grade cannot be counted. So now I have 15credits at distinction and 45credits at pass level and given the way this masters is currently going I am unlikely to achieve anything higher than a pass overall. Being a complete overachieving perfectionist lunatic all this work just for a pass level just does not seem worth it at all.
So I have 5months left to finish this masters. I am behind by about a chapter. I’m tired, I’m stressed, feels like I’m barely seeing anyone (kids and husband included!) and I am wondering if it is worth it.
But still I plug on. Because the most awesome relief I will feel on the 2nd of Jan (how mean for a submission date- will have to get it printed and bound before Christmas!) when I hand this fecker in will be immense, I’m half way through. I will get there. A pass is okay and I might scrape a merit (unlikely but attempting to be optimistic). I can and will be so proud of myself for finishing it under very difficult circumstances.
Plus with all the rewrites of sections I am having to do when I get sidetracked into a rant and have to cut it out again is giving me some awesome poncy blog material complete with academic references- as rather than waste that typing I am posting it here.
So it’s not all bad.
Any tips, strategies, motivational boosts to get me through the next 5 months gratefully received and if you EVER hear me mention a PhD please just get me sectioned.